Hello there. This is my counting of the Omer.
Mostly for me. Feel free to Tag along if you feel so inclined. This is just documenting my walk, questions and life as I try to lay myself down and pick up my cross to follow Messiah.
First, A word from the Lord God, King of the Universe:
"When did loving me become a chore? Become Burdensome? Did you not hear that my yoke is easy and burden is light? What happened to the care free love of your youth? Return to the first love of your youth. Place your eyes on me. Repent and return. "
Now, onto my counting.
End of Day one, Start of Day two:
This is a big moment, Jeriah. This is an important moment, Jeriah.
Will you yield to the Lord? Will you lay down your life for his kingdom?
Repent.
Remove the weeds. The preparation has been done, you got close last time. Now it is time for action.
This year I will work to walk in true humility and submission to the Lord God.
The time for obedience has come. No more half measures. No more lip service. Rubber meets the road and its time to go. Do you trust that Abba is true and good and faithful? Or do you only speak it and walk in the ways of darkness?
I have walked in the ways of my father of darkness. It is time to receive the spirit of Adoption and walk in the ways of my Heavenly Father.
No more underlaying of Pride.
I am not good enough, I am not puffed up, there is no need to overstep my bounds to inflate my self worth.
I am worthless without the Lord. It is he who provides the path, the breath and the strength to wake up each morning.
Time to learn my place and remove myself from the throne.
It is time for me to walk in a place to serve the Lord's people.
Not to be served or thanked or praised.
But to serve, to thank and to lift up so that others may draw nearer to the Lord.
Psalm 17
1 A prayer of David.
Hear, Adonai, a just plea, listen to my cry!
Give ear to my prayer—from lips with no deceit.
2 From Your presence comes my vindication.
Your eyes see what is right.
3 You have examined my heart.
You searched me at night.
Though You test me, You find nothing.
I resolved that my mouth will not sin.
4 As for the deeds of mankind—
by the word of Your lips
I have kept out of the ways of the violent.
5 My steps have kept on Your paths.
My feet have not slipped.
6 I called upon You, O God,
for You will answer me.
Incline Your ear to me,
hear my speech.
7 Be wonderful with Your lovingkindness,
O Savior of those taking refuge at Your right hand
from those rising up against them.
8 Protect me like the pupil of the eye.
Hide me in the shadow of Your wings,
9 from the wicked who attack me—
my enemies, who surround me.
10 Their callous heart they shut tight.
With their mouth they speak proudly.
11 Our steps are now surrounded.
They set their eyes to throw us down to the ground,
12 like a lion eager to tear to pieces,
like a young lion crouching in cover.
13 Arise, Adonai! Confront him!
Make him bow down!
Deliver my soul from the wicked with Your sword,
14 from men, with Your hand, Adonai,
from men of the world whose portion is in this life.
You fill their belly with Your treasure
—with plenty of children—
and leave their surplus to their babes.
15 I in righteousness will behold Your face!
When I awake,
I will be satisfied with Your likeness.
Today was First Fruits.
Again I fight the temptation to take everything into my hands. To make things work out perfectly because, "If you want something done right, do it yourself."
But the question I must ask myself is, WHO DECIDES WHAT IS RIGHT?
Not me.
Abba, I repent of my controlling tendencies. Please let me walk in faithfulness and grace. please show me the way to do things right, as you the only good one.
It was a good day, Full of many hard questions to ask myself. And yet I still battle the "NEED" for entertainment.
Spoke to many people on the phone after service and the whole time my addiction for cheap and easy entertainment is gnawing at me.
Like a drug addict that needs one more puff, I crave to have something to mindlessly do.
Why?
Abba, I repent of my valuing of things that have no consequence to your kingdom. While spending time with friends and family is good, there is a need for proper context. Please help me to see your context for life.
I spoke to my grandma, my father, my mother, and my neighbor on the phone, and yet, I was distracted. Am I so petty as to not be able to make time for these people I want to cherish? How dumb can I be!?! So incredibly rude and disrespectful to not be present. Why even pretend to pay attention. Let my yes be yes and my no be no.
But let me say Yes to you Father.
Abba, I repent of my pride thinking my time is somehow more important than others. That somehow the things I am BUSY with are more important than being in relationship with them. Please help me to see the truth about what is actually considered treasure.
Somehow these are the things that stuck out to me today. I will try to pay more attention tomorrow of things I need to repent of.
It is a time to humble myself before the Lord. It is time to replace the bad habits with those of the father.
It is time to learn how to walk like a Son of God.
The only way is to pay attention to the ways of God and stop deceiving myself that I am walking righteously when it is Jesus the Messiah that makes me righteous. It is not by my own self righteousness and pride.
Abba, Father, Please help me to walk in true Humility. Please help me to see need of your people and learn how to be a conduit for your will. I am done with trying to bring forth my version of what is right. Please help me to turn away from sin and learn to emulate you.
Help me to understand who I truly am as your son. One taught by God.
Please teach me your ways. Please teach me your methods. Please teach me to tame the tongue and the heart and the mind.
Let me walk upright and steadfast in Truth and righteousness. Walking by the spirit and not the flesh.
Help me to bring life to those around me and not extract value from them to make myself feel worthwhile.
Thank you Abba, for your appointed times. Thank you for your long suffering and Kindness to be so patient with my stubborn self.
Thank you Abba for your one and only Begotten son, Yeshua. Thank you for sending him to die on my behalf.
I am so sorry for walking in Sin willingly. Spitting in the face of what you have done.
Please forgive me and help me to walk contrary to my father, the devil.
Please break off the death I have operated in and brought to my friends and family.
Please Forgive me father.
I repent of my sexual immorality. When I should be pure before you.
I repent of my idolatry of relationships and the covenant of marriage. When I should be in covenant with you.
I repent of my anger at you for "not holding up your end of the deal" and prostituting myself to you. When I should be in relationship and not doing a transaction.
I repent of my jealously at the blessings of my friends and family. When I should be praising your name for the good gifts you give.
I repent of my poor stewarding of my resources. Letting it blow away in the wind like chaff. When I should be bringing in mighty increases for YOUR kingdom, not mine.
Please speak to my heart what it truly means to live.
That I might know Yeshua, that you sent to die on my behalf, so that I might draw near.